His love never quits

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Spanish 3~Choices

There are so many choices within a day. Every second sitting in a class you make a choice to do so. I have the choice whether to listen or not to listen, the choice to sit or stand, the choice to run out of the building or sit trapped in a daydream. Of course, all choices hold conquiences. I wish life could be more full of the things we love. What does education have to do with common sense? Well, I guess that is not a good way of wording it. I know that education is very important in certain aspects. But knowing the comma rules won't help you raise a family or build a life. I guess my true amazement is more on how we prize intelligence far above wisdom. As a personal preference, maybe because I have intelligence, I value wisdom far more than the facts inside of books. I lack wisdom for it is with experience that you gain wisdom, experience is something I have very little of. I have always tended to think through things than actually doing them. Life is not summed up in knowledge or thinking but actions and by doing. Life is done, not thought of. How many things I wish to do in my life, yet so many conflicts my heart has with the expectations and norms of society. God didn't make it, so it is not near perfect, so why do we all abide by it? What if God's plan for us as individuals does not fit into society's strict standards? Not that I think that it will be a problem with me. I had a discussion with a good friend of mine Cole, were I told him after he shared his thoughts with me, that I believe that I was made to be a mother. The "mother hen" as Whitney calls me. Its an innate instinct of mine to be so. I guess it is when of the many reasons I don't want to mess around with things right now. Its not fulfilling, dating several guys at once, weighing options, just having fun, knowing in a week ill be bored and moving on. Now don't get me wrong, its not like I want to jump into this huge serious relationship thing, I just want someone who is willing to stick around. And right now it seems that the people willing to do so are far away. Im not a patient enough person and I bleive it is one fo the hard lessons I am learning from my mistakes. I wonder if there are second chances. One of my biggest fears is missing out on true love because I made a huge mistake. God's will, guess I just have to trust him. Its a difficult thing to do sometimes. No, its difficult ALL the time. I like to think that I am my own person and I can take care of myself completely. I mean, sometimes I can be so confident and yet when Im alone I am so insecure about myself, and He is the only one who reassures me. I mean, how will life be in a month? Like nothing changed? New person in my life? Will I have FINALLY learned and listened to this lesson He has been trying to pound into my head? Who knows but Him.
~ Written During Spanish 3...lol the new teacher was here, didn't understand a thing she said, lol~


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